So I met R. Yes, another one. At this point I’m thinking of forming a support group for all the R’s born around 50 years ago who keep wandering into my dating life.
R and I have been talking for a few months now. We tried a few times to meet and it never quite lined up. Eventually I paused the chat, partly because I wasn’t sure if this was a dating connection, and partly because I genuinely liked him and didn’t want to float in that awkward maybe-zone forever.
R has a calm, gentle energy that I’m so drawn to. His twin is Autistic, and when I disclosed my diagnosis, he responded in a normalising, respectful way that felt understanding. Felt like he’d actually seen Autistic people before because well, he has.
He works in AI (in a pretty senior way) which made my inner nerd perk up, especially after this year’s UN theme about AI and disability inclusion at the United Nations Conference of States Parties (CoSP) in New York. And he’s also a national level athlete (the kind that makes it to Olympic trials). That level of commitment and discipline? Massive respect. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about all the kilos I collected during years of being overmedicated and under-stimulated (a familiar Autistic story).
We finally met today, Vietnamese in the Sydney CBD, and the moment we sat down, the conversation was already warm. No small talk. No trying to impress each other. To be honest, I had felt more nerves going into this date than I have with any other. And those nerves had soon disolved.
There were moments in the conversation where I caught myself noticing how he thinks, not just what he says. The micro-pauses. The way he answers questions with clarity instead of deflection. I caught myself thinking, “Oh. I like how his mind works.” That quiet acknowledgment of someone who is emotionally present and thinks deeply but speaks gently. It’s subtle, and it landed well.
After we left, I sent him my classic Monique style message of direct and honesty:
“I love your energy and knew we wouldn’t struggle to chat. And you know you are very handsome. I didn’t pick up mutual vibes from you. If I’m correct, I’d be really open to keeping in touch.”
And he said yes.
And we kept texting.
There is a small flutter of disappointment. I won’t pretend otherwise. It’s that “what a pity… you’re lovely” feeling. Just being honest.
Being with him today showed me something important:
I like a man with his intelligence.
His kindness.
And his quiet, assured energy.
R is not my next intimate connection…
and I am glad we are going to keep in touch.
Reflection Questions
- What qualities in another person help you feel relaxed, open, and authentically yourself?
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Have you ever met someone who wasn’t “the one” but clarified what you want in future relationships? What stood out?
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Where does insecurity show up for you in dating and what would it feel like to gently name it instead of hiding it?
About the Author
Monique Blakemore is an Autistic advocate, NLP practitioner, and international speaker whose writing explores relationships, identity, and connection through an Autistic lens.