So, I matched with S who I’d previously swiped past.
Why? Because he was a little, okay, a lot, younger.
Thirty-eight to my fifty-one.
At first, I thought, No, that’s too much of a gap. But then he messaged me.
His communication was warm. Conversation flowed easily.
We shared values, humour, and there was a calm energy to it all, no games, no awkward pauses just genuine connection.
And I thought, men don’t seem to have these hang-ups about age.
When a man dates younger, it’s barely mentioned.
When a woman does, it’s treated as something naughty or taboo.
We even have labels for it, “cougar,” as if confidence and attraction need warning signs.
But here’s what I came to realise: that’s other people’s story, not mine.
If it’s okay with him, and I’m enjoying the connection, then why not explore it?
Did I mention S is super hot?
We’re talking six-pack abs, ginger tinge, and for those who haven’t discovered it yet, ginger hair is the softest, most sensory-pleasing texture ever. (Autistic sensory seekers, take note!)
One night, after dinner, S drove me home and came inside for abit. My older son was home, but they didn’t meet, there was no plan for introductions yet.
Still, the age difference came up. Not between us, but in conversation about how others, how my now adult children, might see it.
Societal pressure is real. And for Autistic people, who often process social rules more literally, it can feel confusing when what’s “normal” doesn’t make sense.
In NLP terms, that’s a classic example of someone else’s map of the world, their beliefs and filters, projected onto us.
So, I paused and asked myself, Whose map am I living in right now?
Mine says connection, honesty, laughter, and shared values matter more than numbers.
He communicated openly and with warmth. A very genuine person who naturally adapted to my communication style. And I really appreciated that. To be honest, it was the most attractive part of him. Who he is, what he stands for, how he lives his life and how he shows up for others.
But in the end, while we had a lovely connection, it wasn’t something worth pursuing. Sometimes you meet someone who reminds you what genuine connection feels like, even if it’s not meant to go further. And that’s okay.
Maybe that’s what this stage of life is about, connection without pressure, curiosity without expectation and trusting myself enough to know when something feels complete.
Reflection Questions
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Have you ever noticed yourself holding back because of what others might think?
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Whose “map of the world” are you following in your relationships, yours or someone else’s?
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How do you know when a connection feels genuine, even if it’s not meant to last?
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What stories about age, love, or dating are ready to be rewritten in your life?
A Little Side Note For The Curious …
I sent this blog to S before publishing and made sure I had permission to share his photo. He wrote: “Just had a chance to read the blog and I love it…. It sums it up so well, that our connection was fantastic and it’s something everyone deserves”
Author note:
Written through an autistic and NLP lens, this reflection explores dating, self-awareness, and letting go of old social rules. It’s about choosing authenticity over expectation and remembering that every connection, short or long, can teach us something about who we are.