There was a guy, Jay, that I was genuinely excited to meet. He’s that kind of man who catches your eye immediately—handsome, understated, confident. He wears a suit like it was made for him, but there’s also warmth and openness underneath. We talked about relationships, long-term connections and he was curious about exploring life with someone… the right someone.
On paper, it sounds perfect. And yet there was a little something I couldn’t shake. He’s busy, ambitious, and highly skilled at managing people that are traits I respect, but in that dynamic, I sensed a subtle “client service” feeling in our planning interactions.
We had agreed to an in-person date and set a day. But the morning before, I realised he hadn’t given a time or place. Cue internal facepalm. I started making other plans, and he asked if I would cancel them. I paused and asked, “Would you want me to do that to you? Not honour a commitment because something better came along?” He said no, and we agreed on a new day, time, and place. Adulting level: unlocked.
I had cleared a whole afternoon to meet him. Then, the day before our rescheduled date, he called to cancel due to unexpected work commitments infringing on his sole day off. Cue mini eye-roll and a little laugh. My gut lit up: I value my time, my energy, and real-life connection and not holding space for someone who isn’t showing up. Maybe I jumped too soon in deciding this, but it felt right in that moment.
NLP nerd moment: I noticed the tiny signals with the rhythm of our conversation, the little energy matches and mismatches that told me how connected we could be. From an Autistic perspective, I also noticed the subtle push-and-pull of social energy and the scheduling shuffle was taking up mental space and attention. Those signals aren’t complicated and they are just clues about what feels fun, real and mutually engaging.
Even though the in-person date hasn’t happened, it’s been a lesson in noticing what feels good, staying aligned with myself and having fun along the way. He was a great reminder, if I needed reminding, of what I value.
Dating for me is about noticing, exploring and enjoying the sparks wherever they appear. And if the timing and energy ever align in the future, I’d be curious to see where things could go.
Reflective Questions
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How do I notice and respect my own boundaries in dating or relationships?
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What sparks my curiousity and playful energy when I connect with someone new?
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How do I balance admiration for someone’s ambition with the need for shared energy and attention?
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When does my instinct tell me a connection feels right—or not right—for me?
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How do I enjoy the process of dating without putting pressure on outcomes?
About the Author
Monique is a curious and playful explorer of dating, connection, and self-awareness. She writes from an autistic lens, blending reflection, NLP insights, and humour to share honest stories about love, boundaries, and human connection.